It's Good to be a Woman

1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3. Taxis stop for us.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
6. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
7. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
8. We will never regret piercing our ears.
9. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
10. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.

Monkey Business

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said "I wish you could talk."
The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.
"You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer.
Again, the monkey nodded.
"Well, did you see this?"
"Yes," motioned the monkey.
"What happened?"
The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
"They were drinking?" asked the officer.
The monkey nodded his head.
"What else?"
The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.
"They were smoking marijuana?"
The monkey nodded his head.
"Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, and smoking marijuana before they wrecked."
The monkey nodded his head.
"What were you doing during all this?"
"Driving" motioned the monkey.

Men==Computers==Women

Four Reasons to Believe Computers Are Male:
1. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
2. A better models right around the corner.
3. They look attractive - until you take them home.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

Four Reasons to Believe Computers Are Female:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. Even the smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory.
3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to anyone else.
4. The message "bad command or file name" is about as informative as, "If you don't know what is wrong, then I'm not going to tell you."
5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

sweet 

do u realy want to laugh?

Abou El Abed was asked by his instructor to write an essay in English about any interesting encounter that happened recently with him.
So he wrote in a classical translation from Arabic to English:

From some 2 months 3-I recognized a girl in the tooth of the elephant.(sen el fil) She was other look and like the moon!(gheir shikil w mitil el amar) Burn her religion(ye7re2 dina)what beautiful.(sho 7ilwe) I tried to touch her pulse(dis nabada) to see if there is space and it appeared that she is interested. The first day I talked her on the phone(7kaita 3al talephone) and the second day she invited me on the lunch I asked her "what you kitchenized?"(shou teibkha) She said "some of his mother's yoghurt on the walking!"(shwayyet laban emmo 3al meishi) I liked her project and before I arrived to her, I went to the Milker(El 7allab) and bought some" lady's arms"(znoud l sett) and some "eat and say thank you"(kol w shkor) She opened me the door and when she saw the handsome(el 7elo) in my hand she said "yiiiii! your hands be safe(tislam 2ideik) why torture yourself my uncle?"(leh m3azzab 7alak ya 3ammi) While we are eating, rang the doorbell. She opened the door and entered her old boyfriend. He asked her "who is he?", she said "not your entry"(ma dakhalak) I knew straight he wanted to problemize it(baddo ymashkela) He said "my eye on you and on him,(ya 3ainy 3laiki w 3leh) I will count God not create you!"(be7sob alla ma khala2ik) I said "look, my head does not carry me(raseh mabye7milny) break the evil(ksor el shar) before the gypsy milk goes up huh!(abel ma 7aleeb el nawar yetla3) Go pave the sea(ballet l ba7er) and bleach from my face now!"(7il 3an wijji halla2) The man felt on his blood(7ass 3a dammo) and left the room. In the truth, he poisoned my body(sammalei badanei) very much. But the girl gave breakfast to my nerves(rawwa2etly a3sabi) She said "don't carry worry,(ma ti7mol hamm) my life don't carry worry put your hands in cold water" I told her "like my foot,(metel ejrei) tell me, are you empty tonight?"(fadyeh elyoum) She said "yes, I emptify myself for you".(bfaddilak 7aleh) I told her "thank you my love, you are very digestible(inty kteer mahdoumei)"!